The Creep: How Old Digital Habits Find Their Way Back

vanessa mchardy

Oct 5

4 min read

I haven't deleted Messenger from my phone, and with one click on the icon, I can find myself opening Facebook.

And the creep happened the other night.

"I'll just have a look."

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Minutes later, I wake up from the trance.

What am I doing? Is this what I actually want?

That's what I'm exploring now. What do I want to use my phone for? What are the habits I want to keep, and which ones are a hard NO going forward?

Something else fascinated me. When I first went back onto Facebook after the seven-day reset, my entire feed was my people. Friends, family, people I actually knew. Just like Facebook used to be!

But within two days, the algorithm kings were pulling the strings again. Back came the reels, influencers, ads, blah fucking blah.

Actually, that makes it easier to let go of. The more I find the experience unpalatable, the less inclined I am to participate in it. Particularly when I think about the power and influence concentrated in the hands of people like Zuckerberg.

But then there's another side to this.

One of my old habits was arriving at the supermarket, sitting in my car and scrolling. Watching interesting reels, following links and generally disappearing down the rabbit hole.

I did that today.

I was watching an interview with a Nobel Peace Prize laureate who was talking about the creeping influence of AI and technology over the past 70 years. At one point, she asked a question that really stayed with me:

"What is it we are willing to pay?"

She was talking about what has happened to journalism and the cost of losing access to independent, reliable information. She became emotional as she spoke about her home country, the Philippines, and how many people simply cannot afford to pay for news.

But there is a cost to not paying for it, too.

And here I was, sitting in my supermarket car park, crying.

I was moved by seeing someone who feels the cost to our humanity as keenly as I do.

And this is what makes our relationship with technology so complicated.

I love that social media can bring us these conversations. I love discovering people, ideas and perspectives I might never otherwise encounter. I love the possibility of connection and learning.

But there is so much about social media that I don't think we are equipped to handle. So much stimulation, manipulation, information and emotional intensity. I wonder what the cumulative impact is on our nervous systems, our attention and our ability to be present in our own lives.

This is another reason I want to dig deeper and reflect on how I move forward with technology.

Not by following someone else's rules. Not by aiming for some impossible ideal of digital perfection.

But by getting really clear about what I want technology to do for me, and what I no longer want it to take from me.

Why coaching?

I've pulled together a three-week coaching programme to help us do exactly that: reflect, get real and get clear about what we want from technology, on our terms.

My own coaching journey began about three years ago. I had friends who were coaches, and the short-term, focused nature of the work really appealed to me. My background is in psychotherapy, particularly attachment-informed and trauma-informed relational therapy, which can be longer-term work.

I loved learning the skills of coaching, and I've loved being coached myself.

Last year, I qualified, and I was inspired by the other health coaches I met and how they had used their own experience, knowledge and expertise to develop programmes for people who needed the same kind of support.

One thing I've learned is that knowing what you want to change isn't necessarily enough to make it happen.

This is where coaching comes in.

Old habits creep back. Life gets busy. We lose focus. Our good intentions get pushed aside by the familiar routines that require less thought and effort.

Coaching helps us stay focused on the behaviour changes that matter, rather than allowing old habits to sabotage our intentions.

Accountability is essential. So is making a commitment to what YOU actually want to change.

Not someone else's ideals. Not what you think you should be doing. What genuinely matters to you.

It's a process of discovery.

And having the support of a group, alongside the structure and accountability of a coaching programme, can be the secret sauce that helps meaningful change happen.